“Okay Billy, now don’t panic.”
Billy wiped the sweat from his doughy brow. It was the closest thing he’d had to a bath in days.
“But I’m scared!”
Andy couldn’t blame his large friend. Frankly, he was terrified as well. There was only a minute or two before their next class started, and they couldn’t risk being late again. Unfortunately for them, the school’s main bully, known as ‘The Captain’, was standing in their way. The Captain had been help back at least twice, so he towered above the two nerds, and his jean jacket and fingerless gloves merely added to the sense of danger that followed him wherever he went.
Curiously, the frightening bully was merely standing and staring into his large open locker, apparently oblivious to the nerd’s presence, almost as if he was waiting for something…
After carefully adjusting his wire rimmed glasses, Andy decided it was now or never. With Billy in two, he quietly strolled across the hall, until the Captain gave a sudden start, and proclaimed to no one in particular,
“What’s this?! My locker seems to lead into a different world! I can see forests and mountains! Is it a portal of some kind? How is this possible? It’s as if it were magic!”
Andy could already sense Billy’s excitement, and hurriedly whispered,
“No Billy! Remember last week, when he convinced us that we were both invisible?”
With growing excitement in his voice, the Captain continued,
“Why, I can see an odd creature coming towards me! It almost looks like a cross between a horse and a man, but how can that be?”
It was all Andy could do to physically restrain Billy, and drag him towards the classroom door. Just as his hand came within inches of the handle, the Captain announced,
“What’s that sir? Are you offering ME that sword? No? Then who on Earth is it for?”
With a surprising burst of strength, Billy burst free, frantically diving headlong into the full length locker as quickly as his flabby legs would take him. Having no time to spare, Andy reluctantly abandoned his friend and dove through the classroom door, narrowly beating the bell.
Just as he lunged inside, a panicked if somewhat muffled cry came the hall, followed by the loud slam of a locker door, the twist of a combination lock, and the Captain’s cheerful whistle.
Distracted by Billy’s confused cries, Andy lost his footing halfway through the door, causing him to collide straight into the ‘Prom Queen’, Kelly Black. Being very short, and Kelly very tall, his face landed more or less directly against her ample bosom.
Truth be told, it was not at all an unpleasant experience, despite the jeers from the room, Kelly’s screams, and the merciless beating the ‘Prom King’ bestowed upon him three seconds later.
A minute or so after that, their teacher finally stepped into the room, and ordered Andy to stop fooling around and get off the floor. It was turning out to be one of those days.
...
ARE YOU BRAVE ENOUGH TO GO BACK?
Danger awaits you down every corridor.
Each room is filled with threats, dangers and possible rewards.
Escape is not an option.
The party has no tank or healer.
No, this is high school, and you’re a nerd. Or more accurately, a NERRRRRRRRRRRD!!!
Not just any nerd either, but an arms flapping, Klingon speaking, Fark reading, Mario playing, AIMing, dice rolling, cosplaying, emoticoning, Monty Python referencing, pathetic virgin, and the whole school knows it.
Are you brave enough to go back? Are you brave enough to don those fanny packs, black socks, and turtleshell glasses? God help you if you do, because the school is filled to the brim with vicious bullies that border on being supervillains, teachers that border on being lunatics, and pretty girls who still won’t talk with you.
In other words, it’s exactly the way you remember it.
May the Force be with you.
...
TABLE OF CONTENTS
1. NAME
2. ALIGNMENT
3. WHAT'S A DM
4. THACO
5. ABILITY SCORES
6. HEALTH
7. SKILL CHECKS
8. POPULARITY
9. TALENTS
10. LEVELS
11. LOOT
12. GEEK CHALLENGE
13. GEEK RANK
14. PLAYER CLASSES
15. GENERAL FEATS
16. NORMAL STUDENTS
17. THE OTHER CLIQUES: BULLIES, COOL KIDS, and TEACHERS
18. CRUSHES
19. PUNISHMENTS
20. PHASES OF THE DAY/SCHEDULE
21. SPECIFIC LOOT
22. CHARACTER SHEET and SAMPLE CHARACTERS
...
1. NAME
The name of your nerd can be whatever you like, although geeky, silly and ironic names would probably work best. People can also be named after celebrities or cartoon characters, but that will probably only fuel the humiliations and beatings they receive.
You may make a character based on yourself, if you wish, but not other people in the group. That’d be just mean. At least change a letter in their name or something.
...
2. ALIGNMENT
Give your character (including bullies, cool kids and teachers) the alignment best fitting their personality. This reflects how they generally behave around friends, foes and acquaintances. For students, don’t think of it as ‘how they are now’, but ‘how they’ll most likely be in 10 years’. We all know that kid in the corner is going to be a serial killer some day. He just doesn’t have the free time for it yet.
Superman (LG)
Batman (NG)
Wolverine (CG)
Punisher (LN)
Aquaman (TN, boring, or both)
Mr. Mxlplx (CN)
Dr. Doom (LE)
Lex Luthor (NE)
Joker (CE)
...
3. WHAT’S A DM?
You don’t know what a DM is? You really don’t?
Count yourself lucky. Go back to reading popular fiction, texting your friends, and watching the ball game. This is a world you need not concern yourself with.
If you refuse to take my warning, so be it. The DM is the guy in charge of the game, who plays every character that isn’t a member of the nerd party. Whatever he says, goes, regardless of the rules in this book. The DM is always right.
...
4. THACO
THACO is the number you have to roll on a d20 (a 20 sided die) to hit a significant opponent in combat. What constitutes a significant opponent depends on what type of character is rolling, but for geeks, THACO stands for ‘To hit anything cept zero’, and must be used when attacking anything besides a fellow nerd (that’s ‘spaz’, more on that later). THACO starts at 20 and moves very slowly down from there, as the nerd progresses in levels (more on this later).
The effect of the 'hit' depends on the circumstance and target. Even if a nerd does manage to land a punch on the main bully, he probably won’t do much besides piss the guy off.
To represent how difficult it is for geeks to fight, environmental and situational factors usually do not give any bonus to THACO, not even if the geek sneaks up and catches their opponent by surprise. The only factor that can normally improve your chance of hitting and doing damage is ‘fighting dirty’, which involves using weapons or brutally unfair tactics. In either case, fighting dirty can often lead to punishment from teachers.
Examples of fighting dirty includes: using your compass as a shiv, emptying a salt shaker into their eyes, slamming them over the head with the teacher’s favorite mug, or running your bicycle directly into their groin. These tactics normally give a -1 bonus to the attacker’s THACO, although in rare circumstances the bonus can go higher, especially if more than one dirty tactic is used at the same time. In any case, it’s almost impossible to rise above -3 without breaking federal laws, such as running them over with a car.
...
5. ABILITY SCORES
Ability scores are the true measure of any nerd, and all but meaningless to everyone else in the world. They're necessary when negotiating trades, pressuring others to do what you want, or when simply establishing who's the geekiest of them all. To determine your ability scores, roll 4d6 a total of 6 times, dropping the lowest number from each set of rolls, and...ah, you know the drill. Then place those numbers in any category you like.
-Fantasy Sports: A jumbled mess of statistics, sports history, and macho over-competitiveness. For all those who find the rules of baseball not quite complicated enough.
-Role Playing: Whether you act like an elf, dress like an elf, or control a miniature representing an elf, one thing's certain: the only elf you could actually pass for in real life is 'Keebler'. Luckily, your circle of nerdy friends hardly qualifies as ‘real life’.
-Leet Skillz: Your ability to pwn nwbs, get head shots, scream into a tiny microphone, and pay $15 a month to get your ass kicked by some South Korean kid.
-Arts & Entertainmen (A&E)t: Your knowledge about movies, television, 80's cartoons, and the like. Coincidentally, it's inversely proportional to how much you know about the real world.
-Linux: Your overall computer knowledge, hacker skills, internet savvy, and likelihood of writing fanfics where you use ‘the Force’ to kickbox Unicron to death, in order to save 7 of 9.
-Spaz: Nerds can’t actually fight, but if they could, this would be stat to measure it. There's nothing quite like watching men, who can’t even do a single push-up, try and overpower each other. Masks and ring personas are a plus.
...
6. HEALTH
The geek’s health level, also known as their injury level, affects how much damage they can receive before receiving penalties to rolls, or being put out of commission for a set amount of time.
It’s up to the DM how much damage each attack or accident causes, but generally, a basic punch from a bully lowers a character’s health by one level. A significant attack with a weapon usually lowers it by two levels, and a potentially life threatening attack (such as being hit by a car) lowers it by three or more.
In any case, players never die in this game. They may be put out of commission, but unless they’re expelled (or in the teacher’s case, fired), they’ll be back. A trip to the nurse will generally raise you back to the ‘Bruised’ level. A night’s rest raises the character’s health up one level, a trip to the doctor or hospital raises it two levels, and the weekend heals you fully (aside from special ‘broken’ injuries).
Penalties from low health levels are not cumulative. You only receive the penalty from your current level of health.
The ‘Health’ levels are as follows:
‘Blemished’ - perfect health…besides acne
‘Battered’ – enough injury to cause pain, but nothing visible or debilitating
‘Bruised’ – the minimum amount of injury to be sent to nurse, -1 penalty to all skill checks
‘Bloody’ – all but guarantees a trip to the nurse, -2 to all rolls, including challenges
‘Beaten’ – virtually unconscious, cannot participate in challenges, and automatically fails all rolls
‘Broken’ – This injury is not only enough to send them home for the day, but put them in the hospital, and possibly even require a cast for a few months. Intentionally inflicting this amount of injury may lead to expulsion. If broken, they return the next day ‘bruised’, but until the injury fully heals the character has -10 to scramble/ninja checks and Spaz/Prize Fighter challenges. Out of sympathy, they do get +4 to Talk with Girls Checks, +4 to any roll to avoid punishment (cumulative w/TWG bonus), and they don’t have to accept/choose Spaz or Prize Fighter in a challenge unless they want to. If it’s an alpha challenge, re-roll that die (more on this later).
...
7. SKILL CHECKS
There are only four skills relevant in high school, and most geeks aren't particularly good at any of them. Nerds roll a d20 and add their bonus or penalty to the roll. The DM sets a ‘DC’ for each challenge, taking environmental factors into concern (darkness, slippery floor, etc), and if the character’s roll is at least that number, then they succeed.
Abilities are also used ‘defensively’, to counteract someone trying to use the ability against them. For example, if a person was searching for a hiding nerd, both characters would roll a ninja check and see which was highest. Ties go to the defender (in this case, the person searching for the nerd). Skill rolls meant to defeat people in some way are called ‘aggressive’, and skill rolls meant to resist being defeated are called ‘defensive’. In this example, the person hiding would be using the skill ‘aggressively’, and the person searching for them would be using it ‘defensively’.
With skill checks, a 20 doesn’t always succeed, but a 1 always fails…spectacularly. Thus, the DM is free to add any additional consequences when the player rolls a 1 during a skill check.
The skills are as follows:
-Talking with Girls: Your ability to speak with the opposite sex without crying, talking about their chest, or passing out. Although non-nerds also have a version of this skill, they only use it when sweet talking or flirting with the opposite sex. Nerds have to use the skill for all communication with the opposite sex, regardless of circumstances, including the words ‘excuse me’.
DC 10: communicating any sort of message to a girl. DC 15: without staring at their chest. DC 20: and breathing at a normal rate. (girl characters have the ‘talk with boys’ skill instead)
-Scramble: Your ability to pansy out and retreat. It'd be called 'run', but that'd imply that any geek could go more than 10 yards without collapsing from exhaustion.
DC 10: run for half a minute without collapsing or throwing up. DC 15: outrun a small dog. DC 20: be the first one out the door when the bell rings.
-Pirate: Your ability to steal, break into lockers, illegally copy music, and generally shirk authority without getting caught. No one said geeks were innocent. Haven't you been on the internet?
DC 10: text during class. DC 15: cheat on a test. DC 20: Break into the teacher’s car.
-Ninja: Your ability to sneak around, disguise yourself, and be a backstabbing twat. The skill also measures your ability to perform physical feats, like climbing or jumping.
DC 10: sneak out of lunch. DC 15: sneak out of detention. DC 20: sneak into principal’s office.
If uncertain whether a skill check should be ‘pirate’ or ‘ninja’, ask yourself: would a more able bodied person be significantly more likely to succeed? If so, then it’s a ninja check. Pirate checks are more about knowledge, guile, and experience, rather than physical ability.
You might also be wondering if lying to a woman is considered a Talk with Girls check or a Pirate check. Answer: it’s both. You have to first pass the Talk with Girls check just to stammer the sentence out (or for non-nerds, to sound charming), and then you need a Pirate check to be convincing. If either roll is failed, then you fail.
...
8. POPULARITY
Popularity reflects what the average person in school thinks of you. This is not a guarantee, but a default reaction from NPCs (non-playing characters). Anything can cause popularity to go down, and for nerds, very little causes it to go up. The nerd scale is far more limited than the one for regular students, and going up a fraction of a point is just as difficult for geeks as moving up whole points.
All character classes have a ‘base popularity’ which they shift towards at the beginning of each week. People (especially teenagers) are fickle, and the weekend is long enough to make all deeds, both good and bad, quickly forgotten. On Monday, if your popularity is above the base point, move it a step down. If your popularity is below the base point, move it a step up. If it’s equal to the base point, then do nothing.
Some abilities refer to ‘positive’ and ‘negative’ popularity. Positive popularity means you’re at your class’s base point for popularity or higher, and negative popularity means you’re below your base point.
Characters with the ‘universally despised’ level of popularity also get -2 to all their opposed rolls, since everyone’s going to try harder to ruin their plans.
‘Infamous’ characters are neither popular nor unpopular. Instead, they are feared. You cannot become infamous from losing popularity. Instead, you gain this level from doing something incredibly violent, mean, and/or illegal, while showing no sign that you’ll stop any time soon.
‘Infamy’ is a double edged sword, because even though they’ll never respond negatively to you, they’ll never respond positively either. However, for the purposes of feats or abilities, the ‘infamous’ character may always choose if they count as having positive or negative popularity, depending on the situation. If they stop being infamous for any reason, they instead become ‘universally despised’.
Popularity cannot be sacrificed, as part of a feat or ability, if your popularity cannot or will not go any lower (universally despised or infamous characters, etc). If a non-nerd, you also cannot sacrifice popularity if doing so would make you both the ‘bitch’ of the group (more on this later) and ‘universally despised’, as this would very likely lead you to becoming a nerd, and that’ a fate most consider worse than death.
GENERAL POPULARITY CHART
9. Prom King/Queen
8. Team Captain
7. Popular
6. Well liked
[5.9 Just like those guys on TV]
[5.5 So Funny]
5. Sorta liked
[4.5 Oddly Fascinating]
4. Reluctantly Accepted
3. Grudgingly Tolerated
2. Generally Hated
1. Universally Despised (Nerd)
0. *Infamous*
(the levels in bold are used by all classes, the ones in brackets are only used by nerds, and the ones in italics can only be achieved by Cool Kids and Bullies. Normal kids usually don’t rise up from ‘reluctantly accepted’ to ‘sorta liked’, but it’s possible)
GEEK POPULARITY
The popularity base point for all geeks is ‘grudgingly tolerated’. Instead of going from 0-9, like other classes, geeks have their own sub-chart. Despite the decimal places, moving up in popularity is just as difficult for geeks as it is for the other classes to move whole numbers. To make matters worse, when moving down in popularity, you move down to the next whole number. So if your popularity is ‘sorta liked’ and you go down 1 level of popularity, you go down to ‘reluctantly accepted’, not ‘oddly fascinating’.
GEEK POPULARITY CHART:
5.9 Just like those guys on TV
5.5 So Funny
5. Sorta liked
4.5 Oddly Fascinating
4. Reluctantly Accepted
3. Grudgingly Tolerated
2. Generally Disliked
1.5 Usually Hated
1. Universally Despised
0. *Infamous*
...
9. TALENTS
At each level, starting with 1st, players may take a ‘talent’. Talents are small, quirky abilities that define the little things that nerds can do.
For example, a talent might be to be able to juggle three balls at once, to conceal a large anime ‘pervert striking’ mallet in your backpack (for the female anime fans), to recite any line from the movie ‘Clue’, to solve any Rubix cube within 1 hour, or to shout ‘KHAAAAAAAAN!’ exactly like Shatner.
What a talent can’t be is anything that could help you win a challenge, or better perform a skill.
Here are a few things that the talents cannot let you do:
-Duplicate a class ability or feat.
-Automatically win or avoid consequences.
-Help you with speaking to women (besides small ice breakers, like card tricks).
-Help you perform significant feats of agility or physical strength.
-Help you during a fight. (example: secret karate move)
-Increase your overall popularity.
-Break the laws of physics.
-Help you escape or disappear (example: Slipping out of handcuffs).
-Anything that would make you, in some way, un-nerdly.
...
10. LEVELS
What would any geeky game be without levels? You gain a level every time you become the alpha geek, each time you get a piece of loot that's more valuable than any piece the group has ever possessed before, and every time the group completes a major quest.
All nerds start with both a class specific feat and a general feat. When the chart says to ‘gain a prestige class’, choose a class specific feat, and record the level as one of the prestige class names. For example, a 5th level Dweeb would instead write his level as 4th level Dweeb/1st level Dork. As everyone knows, you never take more than 1 level in any prestige class, so that’s as far as they go. The prestige classes in bold (listed under your nerd class) are received at 20th level, and are the titles of a true, master nerd.
At each level, nerds also receive a talent of their choice (with the DM’s permission).
1st: Thaco starts at 20, Gain a Class feat and a general feat
2nd: Two different skills each improve by +1
3rd: Gain a General feat
4th: Thaco becomes 19
5th: Gain first Prestige class, +2 to Ability Score of choice, and a random Moderate item
6th: One skill improves by +2
7th: Gain a General feat
8th: Thaco becomes 18
9th: Two different skills each improve by +1
10th: Gain second Prestige class, +2 to Ability Score of choice, and a random Major item
11th: Gain a general feat
12th: Thaco becomes 17
13th: One skill improves by +2
14th: Multi-class: Gain a class feat (non-bold) from any other nerd class, or a general feat.
15th: Gain 3rd Prestige class, +2 to Ability Score of choice, and random Super Duper item
16th: Thaco becomes 16
17th: Two different skills each improve by +1
18th: Multi-class: Gain a class feat (non-bold) from another nerd class, or a general feat.
19th: Thaco becomes 15
20th: Gain 4th Prestige class, +2 to Ability Score of choice, and +2 to any two skills
...
11. LOOT
Every geek begins the game with a piece of ‘lesser’ loot of their choice. For trade and ranking purposes, loot is divided into six categories:
1. Lesser (worth 1 loot points each): Never gives any bonuses, besides the bonus to rank
2. Minor (worth 4 loot points each): Give you +1 to a specific ability score
3. Moderate (worth 10 loot points each): Give you +1 to a specific skill check
4. Greater (worth 20 loot points each): Give you +1 to an ability score and +1 to a skill check
5. Super Duper (worth 50 loot points each): Give you specific feats and abilities
6. Artifacts (worth 100 loot points each!): Give you abilities not obtainable through feats
Regardless of value, higher point items are actually more useful, because they give you special bonuses. Also, you're only allowed to carry 3 items and wear 1 piece of geeky clothing, for a total of 4 items (technically, you could wear several pieces of clothing, but only the highest value one gets noticed). You count as owning all your nerdy items, regardless of whether they’re in your possession or at home, but you only receive the benefits of the items in which you’re currently carrying/wearing.
All trades must be equal in regard to ‘loot points’, although you can use a geek challenge to force the trade (you’ll probably have to if you’re offering a large number of small items for a single, more valuable piece of loot). You can also trade items currently not on your person, but in that case the trade doesn’t actually occur until after school. You cannot, however, trade ‘for’ an item unless it’s currently in the other nerd’s possession, or else the other nerd may just claim that they lost it. Each specific item can only be traded once per day, and when forcing the trade of greater items or better, only half of the items offered in exchange can be ‘lesser’ items.
Unless you’re the Alpha, you cannot force someone to trade their most valuable item unless they have another item of the same level. If the Alpha does choose to do this, the victim gets a ‘rage’ bonus to their rank (more on rank later), equal to twice the loot points of the item taken, until the Alpha is dethroned, the item is regained, or they challenge the Alpha and lose.
Artifacts usually have a unique ability associated with them, and are prized above all other pieces of geeky loot. Artifacts can never be lost, stolen, broken, or traded away, but they can temporarily be rendered ‘inactive’ by various means (up to the DM). If this is the case, you cannot use or carry them until they’re restored, but the nerd still ‘possesses’ them in the literal sense.
...
12. GEEK CHALLENGE
Perhaps someone wanted to make a trade that the other nerd doesn't like, or someone gives an order to a lower ranking geek and it isn't followed. It's time for a best out of 3 nerd challenge!
The challenged person picks the first topic (one of the six ability scores). Each player then rolls a d20 and adds it to that ability score. The geek with the higher total wins, although a 20 always succeeds and a 1 always fails, regardless of their total. If both players tied, rolled a 20, or rolled a 1, they both re-roll until there’s a clear winner.
After figuring out who won, the challenger then picks the next topic, which must be a different topic than the first chosen. If the contest isn’t decided by then, the last topic is randomly determined by numbering the remaining topics 1 to 4, and rolling a d4. The first nerd to win twice wins the challenge.
The loser has to go along with what the winner wants, unless it's obviously suicidal (must be determined before the challenge begins). If you challenged someone and lost, you cannot make any other challenges against them for the rest of the day, although you can still be challenged. If you successfully use a challenge to force a trade, you cannot do so again until the next day. Players may use challenges to ‘undo’ trades as well, but again, not until the next day.
...
13. GEEK RANK
Even nerds have a pecking order, and at the top is the ‘Alpha Geek’. The first alpha is determined by having all the players roll a die and add it to their highest ability score. The highest ‘unique’ number (discounting all ties) begins with an extra random piece of geek loot, and starts the game at 2nd level.
After that point, geek rank is determined by the total ‘loot points’ of the items carried upon their person. Ties are broken by determining who has the highest single ability score, and any further ties are decided by the best John Cleese impression. The Alpha is always considered to be on top of the pecking order, regardless of the actual loot points in their possession.
Higher ranking nerds are free to give orders to lower ranking ones, but may have to issue challenges in order to get them obeyed. An important difference between higher and lower ranking nerds is that lower ranking nerds cannot choose to challenge higher ranking geeks, besides to undo previous trades, or if girls are involved. This means that normally, lower ranking geeks cannot force higher ranking geeks in order to force trades or get them to follow orders.
Nerds immediately gain a level each time they become the Alpha (even at the start of the game), get +2 to all geek checks while they’re the Alpha, and 1xday they may re-roll any roll, to represent their boost in confidence.
The Alpha must also elect a VP that wins all ties in geek challenges (they may change who the VP is at the beginning of each day). The lowest ranking member, known as the bitch, gets -1 to all rolls made during a geek challenge, and may not be the VP.
The only way to 'dethrone' the Alpha is by becoming the second highest nerd in rank (counting the Alpha) and then making an 'Alpha Challenge', which is a best out of 5 nerd challenge. The categories are determined by numbering them 1 through 6, and then rolling 5d6 to see which categories are used. Obviously, topics (ability scores) can come up more than once, or not at all. Starting with the Alpha, the players take turns deciding which categories are used first. As soon as one person wins three challenges, the match is over.
If the challenger wins, they immediately become the Alpha and gain a level. If the Alpha successfully ‘defends’ his position, the loser cannot challenge for leadership again that week, and gain a cumulative ‘shame’ penalty to their rank equal to -3 loot points until a new alpha is crowned. After a new Alpha is crowned, no new challenges can occur for the rest of the week, although the title can still change hands if someone gets a girlfriend.
A nerd can also become the Alpha (and gain a level) by getting a girlfriend/boyfriend. They remain the alpha even if dumped, but from that point on, in order to become Alpha from getting a girlfriend, their ‘new’ girlfriend must be a different girl. If a nerd gets a girlfriend while they’re already Alpha, they immediately gain another level and their bonus in challenges increases to +4 as long as they have both the Alpha status and the girlfriend.
Getting a girlfriend/boyfriend is defined as: ‘getting a member of the opposite sex to admit that they, at least once, went somewhere off the school grounds with said nerd, and engaged in some sort of activity that was not school, work, or family related’. By nerd standards, going out with a girl for some coffee and an incredibly awkward ten minute conversation is the equivalent of ‘scoring’. Drama Queens and Butches may never gain the bonuses for this achievement, not even if they actually achieve them (the others just feel it doesn’t ‘count’).
...
14. Player Classes
Not every nerd is the same. Truth be told, geeks, dweebs, and nerds are far more varied and diverse than any other clique in school. To reflect this, there are 10 different nerd classes:
Scaredy Cat
"Not in the face!"
Not as geeky as most of the others, but nevertheless a social outsider, and overall pathetic human being. Of course, they’re well aware of this, and realize that the best thing they can do with their time in high school is avoid direct eye contact and try to stay alive.
+4 to one ability score of choice, -2 to all others
+2 to Scramble and Ninja rolls, -1 to Talk with Girls and Pirate rolls (doesn’t have the guts)
Prestige classes: Big Baby, Chicken, Wuss, Coward
Notable examples: Screech, Woody Allen
Scaredy Cat Class Feats:
(feats in bold can only be taken at 15th and 20th level, and the rest can freely be taken at any level, even 15th and 20th, if the nerd prefers)
-Desperate Retreat: 1/day: re-roll any scramble check when being chased.
-Fetal position: 1xday: lose a level of popularity to avoid being beaten up. That person cannot beat the nerd up for the rest of the day, unless the nerd provokes them first.
-Spider Sense: 1xday: re-roll any roll involving real significant danger, even if another ability or feat already allowed the roll to be re-rolled already.
-You Can’t Make Me: Does not have to accept dares or follow risky commands as long as there's another valid target for the command, even if directly challenged. This ability must be used before any challenges are rolled.
-Personal Emergency: 1xday: use the scramble skill to substitute any other skill during a check, as long leaving the room is an option. Lose a level of popularity if unsuccessful.
-Faster than you: Before rolling a scramble check, wait and see if anyone else failed (this does not count as using the ability). As long as someone in the group failed the check, 1xday the nerd may automatically pass the scramble check without rolling. This ability must be used before a scramble roll is made.
-Faster scaredy cat! Cower! Cower!: The nerd is never the main target of bullies. All Bullies must go after other targets first, as long as they’re available, and not already being harassed/humiliated by someone else.
Goody Two Shoes
"We don't want to get in trouble!"
The go getter, the student that actually goes to team games (and not just to make out under the bleachers), the person who always has their hand up first, the one that brings the teacher an apple each day, and most importantly of all, the one that believes the phrase 'school spirit' actually means something. Shine on, you crazy diamond.
+4 to Fantasy sports, -4 to Leet Skillz
+2 to Ninja and Talk with Girls rolls, -10 to Pirate rolls
Prestige classes: Yearbook Editor, Tattletale, Teacher's pet, School Mascot
Notable examples: Lisa Simpson, Hermoine Granger
Goody Two Shoes feats:
-Dirty rat: May rat out other students to return stolen items back to their owner. This causes the goody two shoes to go down a level in popularity. The student who stole the item gets detention and cannot steal again until next week without automatically getting caught. It is not possible for the goody two shoes to 'frame' people well enough to get away with it.
-Honor student: Heals back a level of injury the first time a teacher rewards or commends them each day. If already at full health, they instead gain +1 to all rolls until the next class begins.
-Parrot: 1xday: use talk with girls to substitute any other skill, as long as repeating what the person just said back to them is an option. Lose a level of popularity if unsuccessful.
-Desperate Gamble 1/day: re-roll any pirate check when the law is being broken. If they normally receive a penalty to pirate checks, they receive no penalty to this re-roll.
-Judas: 1xday: avoid any punishment or danger that resulted from a failed roll as long as they weren’t the only player who made a roll, and someone else succeeded. The person who succeeded by the smallest margin fails instead. Lose a level of popularity when used.
-Hallway monitor: The first punishment received every day is cancelled, but all subsequent punishments that day are doubled.
-Give me an A!: Their base popularity becomes 'sorta liked'. Regardless, they're still a nerd.
Red Headed Step Child
"Come on guys! This isn't funny anymore!"
Even geeks have the equivalent of a 'runt of the litter'. Perhaps they aren't physically small, but in any case they're just not prepared for a competitive setting, which makes thoroughly crushing them all the more satisfying. This tends to transform them into nasty, bitter and thoroughly pathetic creatures. Then again, there's a certain advantage to not being able to sink any lower. I can't quite think of any, but there has to be at least a few.
+4 to Linux, -4 to Spaz
+4 to Ninja rolls, -1 Scramble, -1 Talk with Girls
Their popularity can never rise above 'sorta liked', not even with a special piece of loot.
Prestige classes: Loser, Black Sheep, Adopted, Prey
Notable examples: Charlie Brown, Seymour Krelborn
Red Headed Step Child Feats:
-Good Sport: Does not suffer penalties to popularity for losing fights, competitions, or from generally failing (except when romance is involved).
-Pleeeeeease?: When offering trades, they count their 'offer' as one loot point higher (as if they were offering an extra lesser item). This represents their shameless begging. They cannot get items for free this way. Their bid must always be at least one lesser item. Does not work during eBay phase. Every 5 levels, the loot point bonus increases by 1, until it’s +5 at level 20.
-Judas: avoid any punishment or danger that resulted from a failed roll, as long as they weren’t the only person involved, and someone else succeeded. The person who succeeded by the smallest margin fails instead. Lose a level of popularity when used. Cannot be used if universally despised.
-Defiance: take a level (or extra level) of injury to avoid losing any popularity from being humiliated or beaten up.
-Has to Walk to School: Exempt from home room. Can instead go wherever he pleases.
-Massive Chip on Shoulder: -2 Thaco when fighting bullies, as long as the bully started the fight.
-Martyr: If they choose, may always be the main target of bullies. Multiple bullies may still spread themselves out (but not cronies or followers, as they follow their boss), as long as at least one of them is targeting this player.
Dweeb
"Hey, I'm still cool. Right? Guys?"
Not everyone deserves to be a nerd. Perhaps you went to tap a female friend on the shoulder, and accidentally touched her chest. Perhaps your pants ripped while reaching for your book bag. Perhaps you were playing with the class pet and it peed all over you. In any case, you're now a social pariah, you've lost all your friends, and now you have to hang out with the nerds. Still, it's not so bad. You're a hell of a lot more skilled than these geeks, and they can only make you look better. I mean, you won't be a nerd for the rest of high school...right?
+2 to one ability score, -2 to all others
+2 to any two skills they choose, or if they prefer, +1 to all four. They receive no penalties.
Starts with 2 lesser items instead of 1, immediately making them at least the second highest ranking nerd at the beginning of the game.
Prestige classes: Dork, Doofus, Douchebag, Doo Doo Head
Notable examples: Dante (from Clerks), Wil Wheaton
Dweeb Feats:
-Duhhhh: May avoid any punishment by acting stupid, causing them to lose a level of popularity.
-Inferiority complex: Additional -1 Thaco when fighting dirty
-Defiance: take a level (or extra level) in injury to avoid losing any popularity from being humiliated or beaten up.
-Possum: 1xday: use the ninja skill to substitute any other skill, as long as hiding under/behind furniture is an option. Lose a level of popularity if unsuccessful.
-Desperate 1/day: re-roll any talk to girls check when popularity or a date is at stake.
-Prodigal son: base point for popularity raises one level, and they can achieve the popularity level ‘well liked’, although they are still considered a nerd.
-Punching bag: Anytime their health drops below 'battered' (not self inflicted), or they receive a punishment worse than an after school detention, they gain a level of popularity. If combined with ‘prodigal son’, they cannot use this ability to reach ‘well liked’.
Drama Queen/Butch
“Ta daaaaaaaaaaaa!”
OR
“Hey guys, how’s it hanging’?”
No group is complete without the flamboyant theatrical guy in the beret, or the deep voiced girl wearing boots and flannel. Now, I’m not saying that these characters are necessarily gay. You’d be surprised how often they turn out to be completely straight. Regardless, everyone still ‘assumes’ that they’re gay, and treats them that way. More often than not they’re oblivious to this, but as long as they get the lead part in the school play (or head of the tech crew) they couldn’t care less.
+4 to role playing (must be their highest stat), -4 to Linux
+6 to talking with girls/boys. -1 to scramble and ninja checks (either too dainty, or their flannel and boots are too cumbersome)
Gains no benefit from getting a girlfriend/boyfriend.
Prestige Classes: Honey, Princess, Darling, Miss America (OR) Dude, Harry, Beast, Studmuffin
Notable examples: Milhouse Van Houten, Peppermint Patty (see? Neither are gay. They hit on Lisa Simpson/Charlie Brown with reckless abandon. Regardless, their reputation stands…)
Drama Queen/Butch feats:
-Why hello there: Avoid any attack or humiliation from a bully by making them feel uncomfortable, regardless of their gender. The Drama Queen/Butch then loses a level of popularity for doing so. That bully cannot harass them again for the rest of the day (unless provoked).
-Just Like a Sister/Brother: May talk with the opposite sex as if they were the same gender. The talk with girls skill is still used for charming the opposite sex.
-Locker room incident: Exempt from gym. May instead go wherever they please.
-Segue: 1xday replace any ability score used in a challenge to any other ability score you like. This only affects your roll, not your opponent’s.
-Rebel: If they choose, they get +2 to all opposed checks with Teachers and Alphas/VPs for the rest of the day (as long as the person with this feat isn’t an Alpha or VP themselves), but all punishments received for the rest of that day are doubled.
-Clever disguise: May pass for the opposite gender at will. Probably won't fool people multiple times per day unless they change their outfit.
-Grandstand: 1xday may shamelessly grandstand (or in the Butch’s case, practice French kissing with a female classmate) to gain a level in popularity, but automatically results in a detention. This feat may not be used two days in a row, or else it gets a little old.
Fanboy
“Actually it was episode 114, ‘Datalore’, where Wesley was first told to SFU.”
Why apply yourself to the real world, when limitless fantasy worlds are out there, filled with wonderful imaginary people who won’t mock you? Every fanboy is an egomaniac and snob at heart, retreating into fantasy because the real world won’t acknowledge their greatness. Still, rest assured that when you’re in danger, your Fanboy friends will be there to help, as long as the danger somehow involves Star Wars, Monty Python, Dragon Ball Z, or Sonic the Hedgehog. If you want more information about this class, you can read about it on their blog.
+4 to A&E (must be their highest stat), -4 to fantasy sports
+4 to Pirate checks, -2 to Ninja checks (comes from their constant attempts to use ‘ninja’ techniques when hiding, including, but not limited to, hanging from the ceiling)
Fanboys will never turn down a trade if all the offered items are in some way related to TV (besides sports), movies, or anime, unless they already have one or more of those items. Fanboys won’t trade away higher level TV/Movies/Anime items for lower level ones. Fanboys can lose their highest level item this way (even to non-alphas), but not artifacts.
For example, a fanboy wouldn’t trade a ‘minor’ Star Trek item for 4 ‘lesser’ Star Wars items, but they will accept 10 lesser Star Wars items in exchange for their ‘moderate’ sports memorabilia.
Prestige Classes: Fatso, Virgin, Uber Geek, Worst Class Evar
Notable examples: Comic Book Guy (from the Simpsons), Fanboy from Freakazoid (f you know who that is, then this is the class for you)
Fanboy feats:
-Sniper: 1xday they can bid on an item during eBay after the auction has ended (preventing others from bidding higher).
-Never Moving Out of Parent’s Basement: Exempt from home economics. May instead go to whatever class they please.
-Segue: 1xday replace any ability score used in a challenge with any other ability score you like. This only affects your roll, not your opponent’s.
-Snake: 1xday: use pirate skill to substitute any other skill, as long as lying through your teeth is an option. Lose a level of popularity if unsuccessful. Cannot be used if ‘universally despised’.
-Desperate Gamble 1/day: re-roll any pirate check when the law is being broken.
-It’s in the rules: When not in distress, may take 10 on skill checks. No one's sure how.
-Tech support: When in computer, science or math class, their popularity counts as 1 full point higher, rounding down (example: reluctantly accepted becomes sorta liked) even if they’re universally despised. However, in home economics, gym and shop it counts as 1 level lower, rounding down, unless they’re already universally despised.
Was Such a Quiet Kid
“PANCAKES!!!”
There are so many problem kids out there in desperate need of attention and help…of course, who wants to bother themselves with that? In a decade, news reporters will ask why no one noticed the nerd’s fondness for trench coats, knives, and ‘Catcher in the Rye’, but until then, these characters will fall into the geek clique. Whatever you do, do not try to take their teddy bear away. Oh, and if they start staring at your neck and breathing heavy, dial 911 ASAP.
+4 to spaz (must be their highest stat), -4 to role playing
+2 pirate and scramble checks, -2 to talk with girls (not so much nervousness, as what they say)
If any item is stolen or confiscated from them (forced trades don’t count) they will do nothing for the rest of the day besides try to get the item back, ignoring virtually all consequences, even cutting class if necessary. However, they get +2 to all checks related to regaining the item.
Prestige Class: Weirdo, Freak, Sicko, Psycho
Notable Examples: Barry (from American Dad), Teddy Duchamp
Was Such a Quiet Kid Feats:
-Just Ignore Him: Doesn't lose popularity or receive punishment for acting weird or saying strange/disturbing things (unless they're directly threatening or obscene).
-Naked Time!: May avoid getting beaten up by voluntarily receiving detention, as long as they don't already have a detention that day.
-‘Shudder’: Exempt from shop class. May instead go wherever they please. (Don’t ask)
-Pyromaniac: they can always start a fire in less than a minute, regardless of circumstances, but are -4 to avoid punishments from said fire.
-Rebel: If they choose, they get +2 to all opposed checks with Teachers and Alphas/VPs for the rest of the day (as long as the person with this feat isn’t an Alpha or VP themselves), but all punishments received for the rest of the day are doubled.
-You Wouldn’t Like Me When I’m Angry: -1 Thaco. Permanently 'infamous'.
-Schadenfruede: Whenever they see one or more people get physically injured (as long as they weren’t one of them), they gain +2 to all skill checks until the next class begins. They also get +2 to all geek challenges against the hurt people for the rest of the day. None of these bonuses are cumulative.
Gamer
"Up until now, I've been polite. If you say anything else - one word - I will kill myself. And when my tainted spirit finds its destination, I will topple the master of that dark place. From my black throne, I will lash together a machine of bone and blood, and fueled by my hatred for you this fear engine will bore a hole between this world and that one. When it begins, you will hear the sound of children screaming - as though from a great distance. A smoking orb of nothing will grow above your bed, and from it will emerge a thousand starving crows. As I slip through the widening maw in my new form, you will catch only a glimpse of my radiance before you are incinerated. Then, as tears of bubbling pitch stream down my face, my dark work will begin. I will open one of my six mouths, and I will sing the song that ends the Earth."
Some people are REALLY into videogames. It’s not just a hobby to these people, but a part time job. You can also find them on the internet a lot, but every visit is always connected to games (videogames, MMORPGs, or tabletop games) in some way. Rest assured, they’ll go through life barely moving at all, and if not morbidly obese, they’re skinny to the point of ridiculousness, but who are we to judge? Crack open another Monster and pop in Halo, you crazy animal!
+4 to leet skillz (must be their highest stat), -4 to A&E
+2 to pirate and ninja checks, and -10 to scramble checks (either from weight or atrophy)
Prestige Classes: Blogger, Lamer, Farker, Goon
Notable Examples: Gabe & Tycho, Jason Fox
Gamer feats:
-WWMacguyverD?: May always fight dirty, regardless of circumstances.
-Newsgroups: They may freely use Linux instead of any other ability score in geek challenges, as long as it isn’t an alpha challenge or a challenge they started to force a trade (they can still use the feat if someone else is trying to force them to accept a trade). They can use this feat multiple times in a challenge. Their opponent uses the score they chose (or was randomly determined).
-Evil eye: 1xday they can force anyone to re-roll their die in a geek challenge. This can also be used in challenges they aren’t personally engaged in. At 11th level, they may use this ability 2xday.
-Caffeinate up: 1/day get +4 to any skill roll (before you roll the die), and +2 to all further skill rolls until the next class begins (the moment they walk through the classroom door). During the next class, they crash, and have -2 to all skill rolls.
-Desperate Mission 1/day: re-roll any ninja check when trespassing, or simply being where you’re not supposed to be.
-Camper: Automatically pass any ninja check, but lose a level of popularity for doing so. Cannot be used if universally despised.
-Do You Have Stairs in Your House?: Can fight 'ludicrously dirty' (-4 Thaco) when fighting near or on stairs, and their target automatically receives at least one level of injury if the attack is successful. If they succeed, they gain a level in popularity, but are -2 to avoid any punishments related to the attack. If caught, then expulsion, psychiatric evaluations, and police involvement are all possibilities.
Otaku
No comment.
‘Geek’ and ‘Nerd’ are relative terms. There are geeks and nerds, and then there are GEEKS and NERDS. These people practically count as new life forms, and are as bizarre and unique as they come. When not writing fan-fiction, reading hentai, or self diagnosing themselves with Asperger’s syndrome, they’re usually staring at the girl/boy sitting next to them for up to thirty minutes straight, usually while said person is fully aware of it.
+2 to any three ability scores, -2 to the remaining three ability scores
+4 to scramble checks (mostly because no one wants to catch them), and -10 to talking with girls (unless it’s a teacher they don’t have a crush on, in which case they receive no penalty).
Otaku must always have a crush on at least one authority figure of the opposite sex. It’s up to them which one it is, and can be changed at the beginning of each day. This is in addition to their normal crush, so they can have a total of two crushes.
Prestige Classes: Loner, Hermit, Shut-in, Hikomari
Notable examples: Travis Touchdown, Darryl Donaldson (look it up)
Otaku feats:
-What did you expect?: Never loses popularity for failed 'talk to girls' checks.
-Turning Japanese: 1/day re-roll any roll made while present in class (excluding homeroom and detention), even geek challenges.
-Defiance: take a level (or extra level) in injury to avoid losing any popularity from being humiliated or beaten up.
-Evil eye: 1xday they can force anyone to re-roll their die in a geek challenge. This can be used in challenges they aren’t personally engaged in. At 11th level, they can use this ability 2xday.
-Personal Emergency: 1xday use the scramble skill to substitute any other skill, as long leaving the room is an option. Lose a level of popularity if unsuccessful. Cannot be used if ‘universally despised’.
-Fugue: 1xday ignore any negative consequence by staring at the wall until everyone else goes away. If you have a positive popularity level, then lose a level of popularity. If ‘blemished’ or ‘battered’ when used against a bully, go down one health level as well.
-The Stench: -1 Thaco, but popularity can never go above 'grudgingly tolerated'
Pathetic Follwer:
“Me too! I don’t have a comment either!”
Not everyone can be the leader. In fact, some people revel in just being near the leader, and the focus of their attention. Hero worship, gross envy, or latent sexual attraction? Who knows? In any case, they have no desire to be the leader themselves. They wouldn’t know what to do, and more importantly, who would they worship? Eventually they’ll fall into a major organized religion, cult, or executive assistant position, but until then they’re content to stand by their leader’s side, giving them unquestioning, unconditional loyalty…until the next big thing comes along.
No bonus or penalties to any ability scores.
+2 to pirate and talk with girls checks. No penalties to any skills.
Cannot become alpha geek, but get +1 to all geek checks while they’re the VP (in addition to winning all ties). At 11th level and higher, this bonus increases to +2. There can only be one Follower in each group, and only if there’s at least four nerds in the group.
Instead of gaining levels from becoming the Alpha, they instead gain a level every time the Alpha goes a full week without being dethroned (unless they’re already a higher level than the Alpha). Pathetic Followers still gain levels from getting girlfriends, but don’t’ become the alpha from doing so. They do still have a geek rank, in order to help protect the Alpha’s status.
Prestige classes: What’s his name, What’s his face, Who?, What other guy?
Notable examples: Waylon Smithers, Meg Griffin
Pathetic Follower feats:
-Isn’t it ‘Trevor’ or something?: 1xday make anyone forget your name. If its a teacher, they can still probably look it up. Does not work on the vice principal, principal, or school nurse.
-Oh yeah, him: Popularity freezes at ‘reluctantly accepted’, and cannot go any higher or lower. Any feat or ability that allows them to sacrifice popularity (or may cause it to drop) may now only be used once per day, and any feat that changes your base popularity may not be chosen at all.
-Hero worship: +1 to all rolls when assisting the alpha geek. At 11th level and higher, this bonus increases to +2. The action may benefit others as well, as long as the alpha is one of them.
-Parrot: 1xday: use talk with girls to substitute any other skill, as long as repeating what the person just said back to them is an option. Can be used against people who aren’t girls. Lose a level of popularity if unsuccessful.
-Desperate Mission: 1/day: re-roll any ninja check when trespassing, or simply being where you’re not supposed to.
-Non-entity: For one period per day (walking through the hallway counts as a period, for these purposes), effectively vanish from time and space with no ‘official’ repercussions. May not be used during the same period twice in the same week.
-“Look into your heart!”: Beg shamelessly to re-roll any check involving danger or punishment, as long as begging is an option, but lose a level in popularity for each roll. These rolls can be re-rolled with further losses in popularity, and can even be used when other re-rolls fail. You cannot use this ability if ‘universally despised’.
...
15. GENERAL FEATS:
These are the general feats that all types of nerds and non-nerds can take, unless the description mentions otherwise. All bonuses are cumulative, but each feat can only be taken once, and re-rolls may not be re-rolled unless specified. Unless otherwise stated, feats that give bonuses to rolls have to be used before you make the roll.
1. Academic: +2 to one roll during each class period as long as they’re in the appropriate classroom (including gym, but not homeroom or lunch), but their base popularity is one step lower (unless it’s a teacher, who instead gets -1 to Talk with Girls rolls if this feat is taken, and they can never apply the +2 bonus to a Talk with Girls roll).
2. Hot headed: additional -1 to thaco when fighting dirty, but -2 to avoid punishments from said fight.
3. Cold Blooded: 1xday re-roll any roll to hit when fighting dirty
4. Point Blank Shot: -1 Thaco when making a ranged attack within 30ft. If the user is a bully with the ‘Stink Eye’ feat, they also get +2 to ranged humiliations within 30ft.
5. Prima Donna: 1xday: when challenged by someone else, gain +1 to all rolls during that challenge. Must be 7th level or higher to take this feat.
6. Oopsy: after rolling to ‘hit’ (with THACO) and failing, you may make a pirate check to convince your target that it was an accident and not an attack, succeeding if your pirate check is higher than the failed attack roll (just the attack roll itself, without bonuses or penalties). If the pirate roll fails, the feat can’t be used again that day, and all subsequent attempts to use this feat for the rest of the week are made with a -4 penalty.
7. Pride: The first time per day you roll a ‘1’, consider it a roll of ‘2’ instead.
8. Envy: First time an opponent (fight, humiliation or opposed roll) rolls a ‘20’ each day, it’s considered a ‘2’ instead.
9. Crafty: +4 to all pirate checks normally performed with a single hand (texting during class, motioning towards the door, passing a crib note, etc.)
10. Pure Genius: gain a bonus to any checks made during a planned encounter, as long as things are going according to plan, but the bonus becomes a penalty when things are not going according to plan (it can go back and forth as you go). The bonus/penalty is equal to the number of people actively involved in the plan, not counting the genius himself (up to five). Only one plan can be created and in use each day, but if other people also have this feat then a ‘backup plan’ can be created and used if the first plan is abandoned. If a plan is abandoned, you cannot switch back to it again that day. The plan must also make logical sense, in some way. Must be 7th level or higher to take this feat.
11. Public Speaker: 1xday re-roll any check involving speech/talking, as long as you’re talking to at least ten people, not including members of your group, or your/their cronies or lackeys. A group of lackeys that aren’t part of the group always count as at least ten people.
12. Basement dweller: The character never receives penalties for being in dark areas, and automatically passes any check to avoid bumping into things.
13. Weekend warrior: +2 to all skill rolls made on Thursday, Friday or (on the rare occasion there’s an event) Saturday, but -2 to all skill rolls made on Monday, Tuesday, and during any Saturday detentions.
14. City slicker: ignore penalties relating to crowded areas, jaywalking, distracting noises, or using technology while walking.
15. Hick: ignore penalties relating to exhaustion, weather, being outside, or animals.
16. Savage: -1 Thaco and +1 to skill rolls when bruised or bleeding, but they have +1 Thaco when blemished or battered (they don’t get any bonus if their wounds were self inflicted, virtually self inflicted, or requested).
17. Gluttony: Gain an extra level of health between ‘bruised’ and ‘bleeding’ called ‘layer of fat’. Treat it like an extra ‘bruised’ health level for all purposes. Unfortunately, they also have another popularity level above ‘reluctantly accepted’ called ‘layer of fat’ (4.25 popularity level). Treat it as an extra step of ‘reluctantly accepted’, but only when going up in popularity. When losing popularity, skip this level. (Teachers can take this feat, but get -1 to Talk with Girls rolls instead of the penalty to popularity).
18. 2X Backstab Multiplier: -1 to Thaco if you surprised your target. You may take this feat multiple times (making it 3X, 4X, etc) gaining an additional -1 to Thaco when surprising your target each time.
19. Morning person: +2 to all skill rolls made before the third period of the day begins, right up until you walk into that classroom (which should be Gym, in normal circumstances). However, they get -2 to all skill rolls made after the regular school day ends.
20. Night owl: +2 to all skill rolls made after the last normal period of the day begins (which should be Home Ec). This also includes after school activities, detention, and initiative during eBay. However, they get -2 to all skill rolls made before the first class of the day begins, right up until they walk through the classroom door.
21. Sloth: -1 to all aggressive skill rolls, but +1 to all defensive skill rolls. Teachers get -2 to aggressive rolls if they take this feat. This feat may be taken multiple times, and the effects stack.
22. Wrath: +1 to all aggressive skill rolls, but -1 to all defensive skill rolls. Teachers get +2 to aggressive rolls if they take this feat. This feat may be taken multiple times, and the effects stack.
23. Rage: -1 to Thaco, but if you make an attack roll for any reason, the next injury you receive that day is doubled. At 10th level, they may increase this bonus to -2 to Thaco, but the next injury is tripled. At 20th level, it can increase to -3 to Thaco, but the next injury is quadrupled. If they don’t receive an injury after that point for the rest of the day, then they receive no penalty.
24. Edge (cool car, sexy voice, DD’s, huge penis, etc): 1xday: gain +1 to any roll after the roll is made. The player chooses whether or not to use the feat after the roll would normally be resolved. Must be at least 7th level to take this feat.
25. Lust: +2 to Talk with Girls checks if romance is involved, but -2 if it isn’t (because you’re pretty sure it is).
26. Don’t Panic: You always have a reasonably sized towel upon your person. This does not take up an item space. If you possess a trendy item or piece of geek loot that can be used as a reasonably effective towel, you may carry it without using up an item slot. If your towel is lost, you begin the next school day with a new normal one.
27. Panic!: +2 to Scramble checks if danger is involved, but -2 if it isn’t (you have to conserve your energy for the real dangers, after all).
28. Juvie record: +2 to all rolls and checks that involve blatantly illegal activity (to the point that the police might get involved), but -2 to avoid punishment for said activity after the fact (your reputation precedes you).
29. I am 10 Ninjas: +2 to ninja checks if you’re sneaking or trying to stay quiet, but -2 to disguises or attempts to blend into a crowd (you’re the kind of person who tries to sneak past bullies by crawling along the ground).
30. No time to think! Out the window!: The window is now a viable exit during class, and you gain +2 to all checks related to using it as such. Anyone can ‘possibly’ go out the window, but your character can exit through one as easily as a normal person would walk through a door. If you’re on the second floor, take two levels of injury for doing so (there are bushes to land on). If you set up some kind of net or cushion, you can avoid injury (DM permitting). If caught, you might be sent for psychiatric evaluation. (students only)
31. Leadership: Crony. You gain a fellow student ‘crony’ of the same grade and gender. They’re nearly useless, but they’re good for miscellaneous tasks and spying. All their independent skill checks are made at +0, or +2 if you’re 11th level or higher. They’re in all your classes, but aren’t counted when determining how many people are in your group. They can’t carry loot (they’d probably lose it) and don’t have any rank. For all other purposes they count as a character, but they cannot attempt any check you’ve already tried and failed, for fear of showing you up, although they can try first. Bullies cannot gain humiliations against their own cronies, but they can humiliate other people’s cronies. Teachers can take this feat, giving them a college student intern of either gender, which counts as a teacher that can’t give out punishments or be head of the PTA.
32. Leadership: Lackeys. The lackeys are all freshmen of any gender or mix of genders (geeks are restricted to lackeys of the same gender, unless they’re Drama Queens/Butches). They’re useless for skills or fighting, but a swarm of them can be useful if you have access to them. 1/period you may re-roll any skill check, attack or challenge when not in a classroom (usually only when in the hallway, homeroom, lunch, or after school), but automatically attract teacher attention afterward. They can also perform any basic task as long as no roll would be involved. In some circumstances, having lackeys with you is not practical (like when sneaking into an office), and they may retreat if there’s danger. You must be at least 7th level to take this feat. Bullies may not humiliate their own lackeys, although other people’s lackeys collectively count as a single person to humiliate. Teachers can have lackeys if they run an after school program.
(You can take both this feat and the Crony feat if you like, but the lackeys will never give their re-roll to the Crony. At most, they’d just half ass it, and not really help them.)
33. Showmanship: 1xday: sacrifice any ‘lesser’ item or better (‘minor’ item or better if you’re 11th level or higher) to gain an extra level in popularity any time you gain popularity. You must have the item on you, and the sacrifice must make some sort of sense, even if you just smash it over your head. You don’t need to be able to use the item in order to sacrifice it. Many bullies destroy geeky items for this reason. (student only)
34. Saint: 1xday: give away any item or humiliation to increase a step in popularity, as long as it’s not the lowest level item/humiliation you own (or tied with lowest). Lose two levels of popularity if you (or your cronies/lackeys/teammates) takes it back or humiliate that person again that same week. Cannot be used to rise above ‘popular’. (student only)
35. Bravado: 1xclass period gain +2 to any roll, but any injuries received during that period are doubled. Walking to class is considered its own period for these purposes.
36. Gigolo (Jezebel): +2 to talk with girls/boys rolls when completely alone with the other person (other people cannot even be heard), or +4 if the target is unpopular or a teacher. To gain this bonus, user must have ‘positive’ popularity. Despite popular belief, this feat may indeed be used by a Drama Queen/Butch (in fact, many lucrative careers in the adult entertainment industry begin that way).
37. Blue Blood: Your popularity does not move down towards the base level at the beginning of each week, but it still moves up towards it. However, if the character reaches the ‘bleeding’ level of damage, they receive the same penalties as if they were ‘beaten’. (students only)
38. Underdog: all ties in challenges (not all opposed rolls) are considered wins, but only if you are less popular than your opponent. If both characters have an ability that allows them to win ties, it’s just considered a normal tie instead. (students only)
39. Master Thief. Any item received through theft or forced trade counts as being worth 50% more loot points when establishing rank (but not for any other purpose) as long as you own that item. If teachers take this feat, they get recognition for confiscating contraband as if the item was worth 50% more loot points. If bullies take this feat, they get 50% more humiliation points when taking an object away from someone, as long as they manage to keep said item. If actual theft was involved, and the item has monetary value, the character is -2 to any rolls to avoid punishment from that action. (Cool kids may not take this feat)
40. Attention Whore: +4 to all rolls when they’re the center of attention and/or on a stage. Popularity moves a step towards ‘well liked’ when they use this ability. (Cool kids, bullies, and Drama Queen/Butch geeks only).
41. Greed: may always sacrifice a level in popularity to avoid losing any item (reflects willingness to do anything to keep it). The same person cannot try and take an item away from them again for the rest of the day. Cannot be used if universally despised.
42. Signature item: sacrifice any item of greater or equal value to gain back any lost item, or to raise the value of a signature item to the level of the sacrificed item. At the DM’s discretion, this may change the bonuses the signature item gives you. (Geeks or cool kids only)
43. Dual-classed. You may collect trendy items as if they were geeky items. Trendy items count as 1 level higher than normal for the purposes of establishing rank (example: lesser becomes minor), but give no other powers. (Geek only)
44. Bleeder: 1/day automatically excused from class to go to the nurse, as long as they’re ‘bruised’ or worse. This injury may be self inflicted. (Student only)
45. Bad boy/girl: 1xday: gain a level in popularity by doubling any punishment received. (Geek and bully only).
46. Lucky charm: Give up an item slot (either carry 1 less item, or give up wearing a geeky piece of clothing) for a ‘lucky item’. Decide each day if the charm is for injury, popularity, or punishment. Avoid the first injury, loss of popularity, or punishment (whichever you chose) you’d receive that day, unless it was doubled (or worse), and in that case it merely reduces it to a normal loss. You cannot use the charm to avoid paying the cost of a different feat. If lost or stolen, a new lucky item is gained at the start of the next day. (Geeks, cool kids and teachers only. Teachers who take this feat get -1 to all talk with girls checks.)
47. Brown Bagging it: Get no penalty for skipping/missing lunch, but if they’re a nerd, they still have to make the Talk with Girls check to go to the library. If a nerd, they also get 1 extra kabala dolla each week.
48. Rich Parents: Must be taken at 1st level. Cool kids who take this feat get +2 to all whining rolls. Nerds who take this feat get 1 extra kabala dolla each week. At 7th level they start getting 2 extra, at 11th they get 3 extra, and at 16th they get 4 extra. Bullies who take this feat cannot be expelled, or sent to prison for longer than one night. Teachers who take this feat get +1 to all Talk with Girls checks.
49. NAT 20: If a 20 is rolled on a d20 (before adding bonuses or penalties) during an opposed skill check, you automatically succeed. You do not automatically succeed when rolling against a DC. Must be 7th level or higher to take this feat. (Nerds only)
50. NAT 20 BITCHES!: If a 20 is rolled on a d20 (before adding bonuses or penalties) you automatically succeed, regardless of circumstances, as long as it’s physically possible. You must have the feat NAT 20 in order to take this feat.
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16. NORMAL STUDENTS
Not everyone in the school is a freak, weirdo or outcast. Some lead more or less normal lives. Normal people are considered to have -2 to each skill check as Freshmen, and +2 to each skill check for each grade after that (sophomores get +2, juniors get +4, and seniors get +6). They use THACO the same way cool kids do (more on that later).
Normal people have one general feat for each of their grade levels (including the ‘Freshman’ level), and are almost always considered ‘reluctantly accepted’. Some may have a higher popularity for various reasons, but they’re very rare. If there are at least eight normal people together in a group, one of them (if the DM permits) will have a popularity level of ‘sorta liked’ or higher.
Levels, rank, and ability scores mean nothing to normal people, and generally, these people have little to do with the plot, except possibly as a girlfriend/boyfriend, or scapegoat.
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17. THE OTHER CLIQUES: BULLIES/COOL KIDS/ TEACHERS
Each ‘clique’ has their own pecking order and version of popularity (just like the nerds do), only theirs are based upon other things. At the end of the week, if a bully or popular kid is both universally despised and the ‘bitch’ of their clique, then they are re-created as a nerd of the same level (their confidence is shot, leading to the reduction in their combat ability).
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BULLIES
The predators of the high school jungle, bullies like nothing better than to make the lives of nerds a living hell. Avoid at all costs. If playing as a bully (if the DM permits), then show no mercy.
Bullies gain and progress in Thaco the same way geeks do, only for them it’s a measure of how likely they are to hit something that’s actually dangerous (security guard, gym teacher, rabid dog, etc). For them, Thaco stands for: To hit a cop/officer.
Bullies start with +4 to one ability score, and -4 to any other. Their ability scores are: rat bastard, mind screw, balls, prize fighter, evil genius, and thug. As with nerds, these scores are only relevant when bullies compete with eachother.
The base skill modifiers for bullies are: +4, +2, +0, and -2 distributed among the following skills any way they like: Running for it (Scramble), Grand Larceny (Pirate), Stealth (Ninja), and Animal Magnetism (Talking with Girls). For all purposes, the skills are used as the equivalent geek skills, only generally with far better results (a 15 Animal Magnetism check can possibly result in a date, where a 15 Talk to Girls check just keeps the nerd from being slapped).
The popularity base point for bullies is ‘sorta liked’, and there is no limit to their popularity.
Bullies gain talents exactly the same way geeks do, but their talents are usually a bit more…how should I put this…more likely to appear on youtube and/or wind someone up in a hospital.
Bullies progress in levels just as geeks do, and may freely choose from the ‘bully only’ feats instead of the general ones. Instead of gaining a level and becoming alpha from gaining a girlfriend, they gain a level and become alpha if they cause another someone to become a nerd. Instead of gaining class feats, prestige classes or multi-class feats, bullies take general or ‘bully only’ feats at those levels.
Bullies humiliate, and have ‘fights’ with other bullies the same way geeks have challenges, only the victorious bully counts as gaining a ‘humiliation’ against their defeated opponent (and might also inflict an injury), regardless if they were the challenger or not, and bullies may freely humiliate other bullies, regardless of rank. Unlike geeks and popular kids, bullies rarely work together as a group. They’re far more likely to have lackeys and cronies instead.
Bullies rise in rank by inflicting humiliations. Each humiliation has a ‘value’ from lesser to legendary (aka artifact), the same way geeks gain geeky items. Each humiliation is worth a number of ‘humiliation points’ equal to the ‘loot points’ of a similar geeky item. Ties in rank are broken by the highest humiliation ever achieved, and after that, height (however, girl bullies automatically win ties in rank).
Humiliations can’t be traded or stolen, they rarely give special abilities (unlike geeky items), and bullies can only keep the highest humiliation inflicted upon each victim, but on the plus side, there’s no limit to the number of total humiliations they can have. The same person cannot be humiliated more than once per day, and a non-bully audience must be present or it doesn’t count (other nerds who weren’t humiliated, however, do count).
Bullies don’t have to exclusively target nerds, but they’re the easiest. The bully’s popularity goes down a step if they harass popular kids (unless they’re provoked), they risk punishment if they humiliate teachers, other bullies can humiliate them back, and humiliations against normal kids always count as ‘lesser’ humiliations (and only if they’re the same grade as the bully or higher).
Bullies lose humiliations if they suffer a significant defeated or humiliation from that person in turn, although ‘intellectual duels’ and punishments from teachers don’t count. If humiliated by a geek or fellow bully (besides the alpha), they also go down a step in popularity as well.
Until dethroned, the alpha Bully, known as ‘The King’, automatically becomes ‘infamous’, cannot lose humiliations, gains bonuses to humiliation rolls the same way geeks do in challenges, must elect a VP the same way geeks do, and humiliations inflicted by them upon other bullies do not lower the victim’s popularity. The alpha bully immediately becomes ‘Universally Despised’ when dethroned. The bully with the lowest total humiliation points is the ‘bitch’ and has the same penalties to challenges that geek ‘bitches’ do.
The level of a humiliation depends on the situation, but the maximum is determined by a humiliation roll. Against non-bullies they choose whichever score they like, and as long as the roll is 15+, it’s successful. If the roll failed, they cannot humiliate them again for the rest of the day.
Level of humiliations:
Roll of 15+ [Lesser]: What’s that on your shirt? (outer layer wedgie)
20+ [Minor]: Stop hitting yourself (standard wedgie)
25+ [Moderate]: Lock them in their own locker (atomic wedgie)
30+ [Greater]: Two words: duct tape (double jock lock)
40+ [Super-duper]: Pull down their pants and shove them into girls locker room (front mounted wedgie)
50+ [Legendary]: All of the above, then go online, claim to be 22, and talk the victim’s mom into a blind date. (bungie ‘rubber underwear’ wedgie from the top of the bleachers)
BULLY FEATS
-Stink Eye: May humiliate anyone who can both see and hear bully clearly, regardless of the distance between the bully and target, even if over a webcam or phone. This feat may also be taken by a cool kid that has THAT BITCH/BASTARD feat.
-Patented finisher: 1xday: double the damage of any physical humiliation, but also double the punishment if caught.
-Executioner: 1xday may allow self to get caught physically humiliating someone in order to increase the level of a humiliation by one step, up to the highest level of humiliation already possessed. The ability must be used before making the humiliation roll.
-Big Game Hunter: You may collect both humiliations and geek items. Can hold up to 3 geek items, which count as humiliations of their level, and aren’t lost by being humiliated back by that person. You can’t also gain a humiliation for taking that item (either one or the other), but you may have both a normal humiliation and geeky item from the same victim (only the higher of the two is used).
-Study Hall: student may take study hall instead of any other class besides math or science. They Study hall is effectively a class period, but only other people who have also replaced that class with study hall are in it. This feat can only be taken once. Cool kids may also take this feat.
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COOL KIDS
These are the future managers and trend setters of the world (Bill Gates was a fluke), and they sure as hell know it. Sure, bullies can be just as popular, but with cool kids it’s a lifestyle. Being popular is literally the most important thing in the world for them, and don’t you forget it.
Cool kids have Thaco, but it’s only used to determine if they can hit a bully (To Hit A Cheap Oaf).
They roll up ability scores as geeks do, adding +2 to three ability scores, and subtracting -2 from the others. Their ability scores are: Smile, Physique, Wit, Breeding, Laugh, and Hutzpah.
Cool kids have base skill modifiers: +4, +2, +0, and -2 distributed among the following skills any way they like: Track and Field (Scramble), Petty Larceny (Pirate), Varsity Sports (Ninja), and Charm (Talking with Girls). These skills work the same way the bullies’ do.
The popularity base point for cool kids is ‘well liked’, and they’re always considered more popular than non-cool kids of the same popularity level (think of it as an extra .99 bonus after their popularity level).
Cool kids lose a step in popularity whenever they help (knowingly or unknowingly) anyone less popular than themselves become more popular, unless it raises their own popularity at the same time. If someone less popular then themselves gets a higher level trendy item of the same type as they have (for example, a cooler cell phone), they must immediately throw away their inferior trendy item, or go down a single popularity level.
Cool kids have talents the same way geeks do, but they’re usually high class, expensive, sexy, or related to drinking in some way.
Cool kids also gain levels the same way geeks do, and may freely choose from the ‘Cool Kid only’ feats instead of general feats. Cool kids do not have class feats or multi-class feats, and instead take a ‘cool kid’ or general feat at that level. Instead of gaining a level and becoming the alpha after getting a girlfriend, they do so by turning someone into a nerd (the same way bullies do).
Cool kids have items like geeks do, which are called ‘trendy items’, but they’re only used to determine rank among cool kids of the same popularity level. Each item has a ‘style’ value equal to the loot value of a geek item of the same level.
Instead of eBay, cool kids can ‘whine’ each night for a better item. They each make an ability score roll of any kind, but can only use each specific ability score once per week. All rolls are made at once. If they roll the highest of all their peers, they upgrade one of their trendy items, and cannot whine again until the following week. Cool kids cannot whine if they’re the only one that week that hasn’t gotten an item (it must always be at least two cool kids making the roll). If two cool kids tie for highest ‘whine’ roll, then nobody gets an item.
When just using cool kids as NPCs, it’s easier to ignore trendy items altogether, just going by popularity and ‘rolling off’ ties.
Examples of Trendy items:
Lesser: New shoes (haircut)
Minor: New phone (designer sunglasses)
Moderate: New girlfriend (designer purse)
Greater: New computer (rich step dad)
Super-duper: New car (house for parties)
Artifact: New nose (part in upcoming summer blockbuster)
Cool kids use ‘pissing contests’ to establish rank and challenge to dethrone just like nerds do. Unlike bullies, they don’t lose popularity for losing these contests, but it might happen indirectly.
Cool kids have no ranking system, only popularity. List the cool kids from most to least popular, and you have their rank, ties being broken by trendy items (further ties are broken by nicest hair).
The most popular person in the clique is the alpha, known as ‘Class President’, who cannot lose popularity unless dethroned, and also gains bonuses to ‘pissing contests’ the same way geeks and bullies do in their challenges. Any other cool kid wishing to surpass the alpha in popularity must dethrone them first, in challenges identical to geek alpha challenges. If dethroned, the alpha loses enough popularity to make them tied with the ‘bitch’ of the clique, but goes no lower. They’re then free to rise again, as the clique quickly gets tired of the new alpha’s crap.
The least popular member of the clique is ‘the bitch’, with the same penalties the nerd equivalents have. Unlike nerds, the second most popular member of the group is always considered the VP, regardless of if the alpha likes it or not, and they gain the same bonuses as other VPs do.
In normal cases, cool kids lose popularity for dating/romancing non-cool kids, or associating with nerds in any way, except perhaps to spit on them.
Cool Kid Feats
-THAT BITCH/BASTARD: You may collect both popular items and humiliations. You can hold up to 3 humiliations total, that count as trendy items of the same level that don’t take up any space. You may use ‘laugh’, ‘wit’, or ‘breeding’ ability score to make those checks. Otherwise, you have the same restrictions to humiliations that bullies do, including the popularity penalty if you humiliate another cool kid. You may not take other bully feats unless specified. You automatically fail any attempt to humiliate a bully.
-Social Chameleon: you never lose popularity for associating yourself with others. You do, however, still lose popularity for helping others to become more popular (unless you also gain popularity as a result), and for dating/romancing non-cool kids.
-Study Hall: students may substitute this class for any other class besides math or science. It’s effectively a class period, but only other people who have replaced that class with study hall are in it. Cool kid and Bullies only.
-iPod-micro: May carry a single trendy piece of technology as if it took up no space.
-Slut/Manwhore: May regain any penalty to popularity from dating (or otherwise being romantic) with a non-cool kid by dumping them before a second date. If said person was a geek, merely half the penalty is regained.
-Jailbait: If the cool kid starts a relationship (or has romantic contact with) a non-repulsive adult (usually a teacher, hot ex-con janitor, or classmate’s relative) then they gain a level of popularity. If the adult is caught for it and suffers significant retribution (jail, termination, divorce), then the cool kid also gains a level. They can only gain either bonus once from each adult. For sexual relationships, 18 year old students only, please.
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TEACHERS
Teachers use Thaco exactly the same way that bullies do.
Their ability scores are only used for challenges against their peers, and they start with +4 to one and -4 to any other. The Vice Principal automatically wins every challenge they participate in, except against the Principal, and anyone they or the Principal is having an affair with. The Principal automatically wins every challenge they participate in, unless they’re having an affair with that person. Their ability scores are: savvy, passive aggression, aggressive passion, Machiavellian maneuvering, blackmail, and extortion.
Teachers have been around a while, and they get +6, +4, +2, -4 to distribute amongst their skills. During the course of a day, they’re far more likely to use these skills defensively instead of aggressively. Instead of gaining +1 to two skills or +2 to one skill at certain levels, they gain +2 to two skills each time (placed anywhere they like, even to the same skill). If they like, they can gain a third +2 bonus as well, but they must take a -2 penalty to another skill to do so. Their skills are identical in name to the geek’s (this is because most teachers used to be geeks…which is sadly ironic).
Popularity means nothing to teachers, and they have no talents worth mentioning.
Teachers gain levels by ‘preventing’ students from completing quests, becoming head of the PTA (their equivalent of ‘alpha’), and (instead of for gaining a girlfriend) by either getting tenure, or for secretly having an affair with a co-worker (or 18 year old student) without getting caught that same day. The level is gained when the day ends, and is not lost if they’re caught at a later time. Successfully having an affair does not make them head of the PTA. Instead of class feats or multi-class feats, they just gain a normal general feat at those levels.
Because it’s much easier for a teacher to become head of the PTA than it is for students to become the Alpha (the position can go back and forth between two people rather easily), teachers can only gain 1 level per week, regardless of why or how the level was gained.
Teacher rank is solely determined by how well they kiss the vice-principal’s ass. The principal won’t care enough to remember their names, so that’s a lost cause. The Vice Principal is undoubtedly a vicious tyrant, who always determines the rank of the lesser teachers completely on a whim, by adding or subtracting ‘recognition’ points to their record as they please (with a minimum of 0).
Teachers have no loot, but also gain ‘recognition’ points from geeky and trendy items seized as contraband from students, and turned in to the Vice Principal. Their value is equal to the loot point or style point value of the item, and is added to their recognition score. Unlike normal recognition points, these points cannot be arbitrarily taken away.
The highest ranking teacher, besides the principal and vice principal, is called ‘head of the PTA’, and gain a bonus to checks/challenges just like the students do. Unlike the students, there is no VP/2nd place teacher. You’re either head of the PTA or nothing.
Teachers are free to distribute punishments on a whim, but the vice principal will see any successful backlash against the teachers by the students (pranks, regained contraband and such) as signs of weakness. Suspensions, multiple-day detentions, and similar ‘special’ punishments have to be approved by the Vice Principal.
Unlike the students, teachers receive far worse repercussions for breaking the rules, and are more easily fired than students are expelled, unless the teachers have tenure. Turning in contraband confiscated from students is generally the easiest way to impress the VP.
There are no ‘teacher only’ feats.
Teachers have the same health levels as students, but instead of being ‘Blemished’, they’re considered ‘Uninjured’.
The school nurse and janitor are considered teachers for all normal purposes, although they cannot issue any punishments without the vice principal’s permission, and neither can become head of the PTA.
The principal and vice principal are always 20th level teachers, and cannot become head of the PTA. The Principal also gets an additional +2 to all rolls made while on school grounds. The Vice-Principal wins all tied rolls while on school grounds, regardless of what the roll is or why it is made. In either case, few dare to oppose anything either the principal or vice principal does.
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18. CRUSHES
All nerds have the potential of getting crushes on fellow students or teachers of the opposite sex (Drama Queens/Butches may or may not, depending on the situation or DM’s discretion). Despite sounding good, crushes are actually a bad thing for nerds.
It gives them -4 to all Talk with Girls checks with the object of their affection. They are also incapable of any action that will directly or indirectly cause that person harm. It’s up to the DM’s discretion, but the nerd is also very likely to go along with anything their ‘crush’ asks of them, EVEN if it’s obviously suicidal.
It’s fully possible for the nerd to have a relationship with someone else while they have the crush, but otherwise the crush will last until: the end of the month, until they get horribly told off or harmed by that person, or if they get a crush on someone else. Nerds may only have one crush at a time, and are less likely to develop one if they already have one for a different person. Non-nerds never get crushes, or at least the crushes don’t affect them nearly as significantly.
It’s up to the DM if a ‘crush’ develops, but reasons include:
-The person jokingly flirted with the nerd.
-The person casually touched the nerd.
-The person smiled at the nerd.
-Or in the case of REALLY attractive people (Connie/Cory Diminko, Principal Ted, Miss Tanaka), by being in the same room as the nerd.
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19. PUNISHMENTS
Students face punishment if they’re late to class, skip class, leave class early, fighting, excessive touching/kissing, and for just about any fun activity you can think of.
The standard punishment for most offenses is an after school detention, but if they’ve gotten in trouble with the same teacher more than once that week, or the student’s actions were particularly heinous, or if the punishment is ‘doubled’ for any reason, increase one step or more on the following list :
-Morning detention (-2 to all skill rolls for rest of that day).
-Detention every day for the rest of that week, morning AND after school.
-Saturday detention (-2 to all rolls on following Monday).
-In-school suspension (gone for entire day, and -2 to all rolls the day they come back).
-Out of school suspension (same as for in-school suspension, but next week they don’t get any Kaballa Dollas, or if a cool kid, can’t whine).
-‘Drastic measures’, up to the Vice Principal, including ‘Double Secret Probation’ and expulsion.
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20. PHASES OF THE DAY/SCHEDULE
The day is broken into the following periods (or a similar schedule, if the DM chooses):
-
Home room
-
Computers
-
Gym
-
Math
-
Lunch
-
Shop
-
Science
-
Home Ec
-
After School/Detention
-
Ebay
Before and after each school period (including homeroom, lunch, and detention), every student has to walk through the halls (this is marked by a -). For rule purposes, this is usually considered a period in itself, and is where most bullying occurs. Any bonus that applies to a class period (or period) is assumed to also apply during the walk to that class, unless otherwise stated. The period before homeroom and the period after detention are both partially spent outside, as the student enters and leaves school.
All the player characters are considered to be in the same classes, but for game balance, there is usually only 1 bully and 1-2 cool kids in each class. All other kids are considered ‘normal’.
Opposed rolls are generally only used if the character is actively interacting with the other person, and that person has a significant reason to care about the outcome. Otherwise, it’s just a flat roll versus a set DC (10 being a little tricky, 15 being a bit difficult, and 20 or more being quite hard).
As in most RPGs, the DM doesn’t specifically tell the players what their options are, but the DC (rolls they have to make or higher) signify the difficulty of their possible actions.
Not every class needs an encounter. Every day, unless it’s related to the plot, most classes will only have an encounter 50% of the time.
HOMEROOM
Homeroom monitors all have two things in common: they’re teachers, and they have absolutely no interest in homeroom. Despite its seemingly benign nature, a lot of bullying occurs in homeroom, since the teachers obviously don’t care. It’s almost as long as a normal class (30 minutes or so), but there’s just as much punishment for skipping it.
COMPUTERS
Computers is generally considered a ‘safe’ class, with relatively friendly teachers, and it’s also a good time for many nerds to ‘make their move’ and help that attractive member of the opposite sex with their computer problem…okay, there’s never a ‘good time’ for nerds in regards to romance, but it’s as good a time as any!
GYM
Gym class. Proof that school teachers, the board of education, and God all hate nerds. The sky’s the limit to the amount of abuse, punishment and pain nerds can feel in this class. Unlike all the other classes, all bullies are simultaneously in this class, unless the DM decides otherwise.
Of course, this is also a good time to pit the bullies against each other, so it isn’t all bad news. Further good news: all the girls are in tiny shorts. Further bad news: so are you…making certain ‘reactions’ to said girls a little difficult to conceal. Good luck everyone.
MATH
Another relatively safe class, often without any incident, save for a hilarious joke regarding quadratic formulas.
LUNCH
While most students enjoy the peaceful lunch period, nerds often try to talk the monitor into giving them a pass to the library instead (Talk with Girls DC: 10) and accept the -1 to all rolls for being hungry for the rest of the day. That’s because the lunch room has at least 2 bullies and 4 cool kids in it, all looking to thoroughly humiliate everyone they can.
SHOP
The horror…the horror…
Gym may be bad, but shop makes the average geek literally fear for their life. The principal’s logic that ‘all students need to know how to build log cabins, in case they’re stranded out in the wild’ is irrefutable…I guess…
In any case, all students have to take shop at this school, so don your safety goggles and count your fingers. It’s party time!
SCIENCE
To make room for the Principal’s gym extension (complete with boxing ring), all science classes have been moved into one room. To further complicate matters, the teacher went insane from mercury poisoning some time in the 1960’s. Nevertheless, the maze of beakers is a place where all nerds call home.
HOME EC
Your high school has an experimental ‘mandatory’ version of Home Economics, aimed at teaching life skills, child care, and home management. Should be easy, right?
It would be if the teacher wasn’t an incredibly attractive Asian woman, complete with an authoritative demeanor, short skirt, and wire rim glasses. If that wasn’t enough to panic the nerds, she’s demanding that everyone in class do things like ‘pretend to change diapers’ and pair off into ‘husband and wife’ teams. If you’re not embarrassed to death, you’ll certainly lose every last shred of popularity you once enjoyed! To make matters worse, the men in the group find that they’re pretty much the only men in the class, since all members of sports teams are exempt, so they can start practice earlier. Let the humiliations begin…
NURSE
A successful check will probably allow you to go from any class to the Nurse’s office, and you’re usually automatically allowed if you’re bleeding or worse, but your troubles won’t end there.
The nurse of the school is always undoubtedly the most bitter and spiteful member of the staff, having heard every phony excuse possible. Some might even go further, setting the students up for punishments or humiliation, should they turn out to be ‘faking it’. Real emergencies are reluctantly dealt with in a quick and slightly bored manner. It’s also possible to be excused from the rest of the day of school, but most nurses won’t allow that, at least not without a fight.
A trip to the nurse’s office immediately restores a person’s health up to bruised, unless they’re broken. If they’re broken, they must go to the hospital. If they were ‘bloody’, then they miss the rest of the class period they were in. If they were ‘beaten’, then they miss the next class as well. It’s possible to miss detention this way, and in that case, detention is instead moved to the next available day. If lunch is missed, they get -1 all skill rolls for the rest of the day, from hunger.
The school nurse counts as a teacher, but may not directly hand out punishments, or become head of the PTA.
VICE PRINCIPAL’S OFFICE
The principal’s office is just used by the headmaster as a place to store old scrapbooks and trophies, but the Vice Principal’s office is a place of pure, cold dread. Outside there’s a camera mounted to the wall and a secretary nervously typing away. Pity the student who gets sent there, as any punishment is possible, and rewards are incredibly few and far between.
BASEMENT
Unless you’re trying to escape from someone, or you really need to hide something, most nerds don’t venture into the restricted, boiler filled underbelly of the school. There are plenty of rats, the ex-con janitor, and rumor has it, a lost tribe of mole people all living down there. Moving around is usually fairly difficult too, since it’s dark, conferring a -4 penalty to scramble checks. You can ignore the penalty, but if you fail, you also sustain a level of injury from running into a pipe, rat, or janitor.
AFTER SCHOOL
The hallways are mostly empty, the Janitor is busy with work, and no one will question you if you’re walking around or in the library (although they might question you if you’re sitting in an empty classroom or loitering in one place). All in all, being at school after the last bell rings isn’t so bad, and there’s even a late bus to take you home.
Everyone assumes that students wouldn’t be there willingly, so it’s the perfect time to take care of missions, set up pranks on teachers, break into offices or other unsavory activities. Just be aware that the Vice Principal will still be in their office, and the Principal tends to wander the halls.
Unless they have a reason to be there, the nurse will probably have gone home by then. Any medical emergencies are instead referred to the main office, who usually react by calling the injured student’s home, or if broken, an ambulance.
DETENTION
If you thought homeroom was bad, you haven’t experienced detention, which is virtually identical, except that it’s mainly populated by troublemakers, bullies and similar no-good-niks. There’s always at least one bully there, and they’re always hostile. Abandon all hope ye who enter here.
EBAY
eBay is an option only available to nerds.
At the start of the week, each nerd receives Kaballa Dollas equal to half their level (rounded down, minimum $1) to spend on eBay. This represents their allowance and such, but isn’t actually worth $1 each. It’s just a metaphorical icon for their money, to simplify the game. Each nerd may use Kaballah Dollas on eBay as if they were worth 1 Loot point each.
Each night the nerds are collectively presented with d6+1 random eBay items (maximum = number of Nerds in the group). If a 6 is rolled, roll again, and the first item is considered a BIN item (more on this later). If a second 6 is rolled, the second is also a BIN item, and so forth.
Roll a d20 for each item to determine (below) what their value is, with the average level of the party added to the roll. Obviously, the average has to be at least level 11 or higher before greater items can be found (they get snapped up too quickly for lesser geeks to catch them), and it needs to be 16th level before super duper items are attainable.
1-10 random lesser item
11-19 random minor item
20-30 random moderate item
31-35 random greater item
36-40 random super duper item
Artifacts cannot be gained through eBay.
Nerds begin by each rolling a d20 for ‘initiative’, to see who bids first.
The beginning bid for any item has to be half the item’s value in loot points, rounding up. The nerds than take turns bidding, either with Kaballa Dollas or geeky items, starting with the nerd that rolled highest for initiative and working down from there, repeating in a circle until everyone’s finished bidding. Nerds may bid on multiple items if they wish, and no challenges may be issued during this phase unless for some reason both geeks are staying at the same house (for example, if they’re siblings).
The highest bidder for each item wins it, and has to give up their ‘bid’ in dollas and/or items. If items were offered in the bidding, you do not get change if the bid was higher than it needed to be. The lower bidders lose nothing.
If the item is a BIN item, it’s instead listed for ¾ its loot value (rounding down, minimum $1), but the first bidder immediate receives the item, with no other bids allowed.
Nerds can also put their own items up for bid, if they like, for the other nerds to bid on. This item is in addition to the ones that come out normally, may be listed as a BIN item if they wish, and follows all the same rules. If for some reason a nerd cannot or will not pay what he offered, he loses a step in popularity, and the next highest bidder wins the auction instead.
Any Kaballa Dollas not spent during the week are blown during the weekend on movie tickets and junk food. You may also blow your money early, and gain a regain a health/injury level for 1 Kaballa Dolla each night (but no more than that).
21. SPECIFIC LOOT
It’s really up to you what ‘geek loot’ is, and what value each one should have, but here’s some examples, complete with the bonus they provide:
Lesser Loot
(no additional bonuses)
-Hilarious flow chart
-Copy of Mike Nelson's 'Mind Over Matters'.
-Pizza
-Condom, given by father
-6 pack of Monster
-Copy of 'Stranger in a Strange Land'
-12 pack of Mountain Dew
-Print copy of 'The Onion' newspaper
-Large box of CCG cards that no one plays with anymore
-'Death Note' Manga
-Zombie Survival Guide
-7 of 9 pin-up
-Pocket protector
-A new Chuck Norris joke
-Domo Plush toy
Minor Loot
(gives +1 to the listed ability score when the nerd carries it)
-Macintosh t-shirt (Linux)
-An 'I Hate Uwe Bol' T-shirt (Leet Skillz)
-Toy Jedi Lightsaber (Spaz)
-The Foundation Trilogy, in paperback (Linux)
-Pron (Fantasy Sports)
-Dead Parrot plush toy (Role Playing)
-Cthullu Plush toy (A&E)
-Copy of Koyaansalsi (A&E)
-'Optimus Lives' t-shirt (A&E)
-Killer Rabbit hand puppet (Role Playing)
-T-shirt of Peter Griffin wearing a 'No Fat Chicks' t-shirt (Spaz)
-Trogdor t-shirt (Leet Skillz)
-Autographed picture of Bam Bam Bigelow (Fantasy Sports)
-Copy of Alton Brown's 'I'm Just Here for the Food' (Linux)
-English/Wookie dictionary (Role Playing)
Moderate Loot
(gives +1 to the listed skill check when the nerd carries it)
-Foam covered PVC Pipe ‘Sword’ (Pirate)
-Signed Copy of 'Snow Crash' (Scramble)
-River City Ransom for the NES (Ninja)
-100 DVDs from the 2/$1 bin (Talk with Girls)
-Dr. Who Scarf (Talk with Girls)
-Munchkin Card Game (with all expansions) (Scramble)
-Flash drive full of jailbait pics you try to pass off as funny motivational posters (Pirate)
-Ipod filled with Weird Al (Scramble)
-Simpsons DVD, season 14 (Talk with Girls)
-Blade Runner Ultimate DVD collection (Talk with Girls)
-Action figures of the characters from the D&D Cartoon show (Pirate)
-STNG, Season 4 DVD set (Ninja)
-'Watchmen' special edition hardcover book (Ninja)
-Star Wars Episode 1: Jar Jar free edition (Pirate)
-2 tickets to ‘An Evening with Kevin Smith’ (Ninja)
Major Loot
(+1 to the listed skill/ability score, or -1 Thaco, when the nerd carries it)
-Replica Keyblade (-1 Thaco, not cumulative with other weapons)
-5th Crewman cosplay outfit (w/injuries) (A&E, Scramble)
-Torgo cosplay outfit (w/theme music) (Roleplaying, Pirate)
-Life size Companion Cube (Leet Skillz, Talk with Girls)
-Donald Duck cosplay costume (bail money not included) (-1 Thaco when worn…hopefully with pants, not cumulative with other weapons)
-Mario and Luigi Cosplay outfits (skinny friend not included) (Fantasy Sports, Ninja)
-DS with copy of Disgea inside (Linux, Pirate)
-Nintendo power glove (Spaz, Ninja)
-Ultra rare coffee table book 'The Art of Zork' (Role Playing, Talk with Girls)
-Warhammer 40k Battle Box (Leet Skillz, Pirate)
-Remarkably authentic Tron Frisbee (Fantasy Sports, Scramble)
-'Bible Black', both the DVD and video game (Linux, Talk with Girls)
-Team Rocket Cosplay outfits (girl not included) (A&E, Ninja)
-Red and White baseball cap (perfect for throwing over shoulder) (Spaz, Scramble)
-Blood Stained Cricket bat (-1 Thaco, not cumulative with other weapons)
Super Duper Loot
(gain the listed feat, regardless if you qualify or not, and if you already have the feat, gain an additional use per day, or if it’s a static bonus, and an additional +1 to the roll)
-Unreleased 'Lego: Boogie Nights' videogame (Showmanship)
-Ghostbusters Cosplay outfit w/goggles and backpack (Point blank shot)
-Storm Trooper Cosplay Outfit (Oopsie)
-Darth Vader Cosplay Outfit (Cold Blooded)
-Aeris Cosplay outfit, 3XL size (we're not here to judge you) (Prima Donna)
-Rare Copy of Mary Worth, where she advises a friend to commit suicide (Public speaker)
-Printout of a real AIM conversation you had with an actual Japanese girl! (Bravado)
-I-phone (Crafty)
-OMGWTF license plate (Underdog)
-Poor (to the point of being almost illegible) Copy of Detective Comics #1 (Saint)
-Picture of Kelly Black in her cheerleader outfit, bending over in front of a mirror (dude, you can totally see EVERYTHING! FRONT AND BACK!) (Bad Boy)
Geek Artifacts
(cannot ever be lost or traded, but may be rendered ‘inactive’ for a time, and gives you a special ability)
-Robot friend (K9, R2D2, or Diesector, your choice) (counts as an ‘additional’ crony)
-Authentic WWE Contract during the next summer vacation (you become internet famous)
-Working X-ray specs (you can see what’s inside containers and the next room)
-Paperwork to legally change your name to ‘Inigo Montoya’ (it’s legal)
-Working 'Bionic Commando' arm (pass any check to climb or jump made outside class)
-Book Bag of holding (you may hold up to 6 items, instead of 3)
-'Working' George Lucas Voodoo Doll (go up an additional injury level overnight)
-Lock of Will Shatner's hair (you may speak with girls as if you were a normal person)
-Jamie Heineman's beret (you always know if an action is physically possible or not)
-Robot Girlfriend (immediately gain a level and become the alpha, but you may never gain another girlfriend again)
...
22.CHARACTER SHEET AND SAMPLE CHARACTERS
Name:
Class/Level:
Alignment:
Thaco:
Current Crushes:
Current Health:
Current Popularity:
Ability Scores
Fantasy Sports:
Spaz:
Leet Skillz:
Roleplaying:
A&E:
Linux:
Skill Bonuses
Scramble:
Pirate:
Ninja:
Talk with Girls:
Talents:
Feats/Abilities:
Geek Loot:
...
SAMPLE NERD
Name: Billy Chadwick
Class/Level: Fanboy 6/Fatso 1
Alignment: Mr. Mxlplx (CN)
Thaco: 19
Current Crushes: Kelly Black
Current Health: Blemished
Current Popularity: Grudgingly Tolerated
Ability Scores
Fantasy Sports: 3
Spaz: 11
Leet Skillz: 14
Roleplaying: 15
A&E: 22
Linux: 10
Skill Bonuses
Scramble: +2
Pirate: +5
Ninja: -2
Talk with Girls: +1
Talents: Can wear shorts all year round without getting cold, knows most of the rules for D&D, can sing passably well (except the high notes), has an incredibly high threshold for boredom, can squeeze into lockers despite girth.
Feats/Abilities: Desperate Gamble, Night Owl, Gluttony, Crafty, Nat 20
...
SAMPLE BULLY
Name: Patrick McVee
Class/Level: Bully 7
Alignment: The Joker (CE)
Thaco: 19
Current Health: Blemished
Current Popularity: Sorta Liked
Ability Scores
Rat Bastard: 14
Mind Screw: 17
Balls: 14
Prize Fighter: 3
Thug: 7
Evil Genius: 21
Skill Bonuses
Running For it: +0
Grand Larceny: +3
Stealth: +6
Animal Magnetism: -2
Talents: Good with knots, remarkable knowledge concerning the layout of government buildings, knows where you can buy catnip in bulk, can slap more than one person with a single swing, can easily conceal cats in his backpack and upon his person
Feats/Abilities: Leadership: Crony (Anubis), Cold Blooded, Underdog, Rich Parents, Showmanship
...
SAMPLE COOL KID
Name: Kelly Black
Class/Level: Cool Kid 7
Alignment: Aquaman (TN)
Thaco: 19
Current Health: Blemished
Current Popularity: Well Liked
Ability Scores
Smile: 14
Physique: 16
Wit: 10
Breeding: 16
Laugh: 12
Hutzpah: 8
Skill Bonuses
Track & Field: +2
Petty Larceny: +3
Varsity Sports: -2
Charm: +5
Talents: Can hide items in her bra, fast texter, knows all the words to every song in ‘Rent’, can dot all her i’s with hearts without slowing down her writing, can hug a person without actually touching them
Feats/Abilities: Social chameleon, public speaker, edge (DD’s), crafty, Blue blood
...
SAMPLE TEACHER
Name: Miss Tanaka
Class/Level: Teacher 7
Alignment: Superman (LG)
Thaco: 19
Current Health: Uninjured
Ability Scores
Savvy: 16
Passive Aggression: 12
Aggressive Passion: 20
Machiavellian Maneuvering: 15
Blackmail: 11
Extortion: 5
Skill Bonuses
Scramble: +7
Pirate: -4
Ninja: +4
Talk with Girls: +6
Talents: Great memory, can smack a desk with a pointer/baton loud enough to sound like a whip crack, looks great in women’s business suits, is actually good at her job (people rarely notice), has a perfect ‘annoyed smirk’
Feats/Abilities: Pride, Academic, Jezebel (although she’s just a tease), City Slicker, 2X Backstab multiplier
...
Thanks for reading, and if you never play it, I hope you at least enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed creating it.
Take care!
Robert Max Freeman (12 Fanboy/1 Fatso/1 Uber Geek)
